I’m 30, and I am hot for and fond of my friend who’s twice my age. I can’t believe this. She’s 60, and I feel such a crush… I am so into her body, I could die. She looks really good, she’s strong  and assertive and yet she’s sweet and sensitive. We have a lot in common and we do not feel the age gap. We spend so much time together, we call each other for nothing and support each other. She’s been divorced for more than 10 years. I have no hints that she likes women.

It’s been 8 months now since we’ve become friends. It was quite intense from the very beginning because of the context. But then it didn’t go away, and we became closer because we have a lot in common. So it remained intense and now we’re so close I can just pop in or call without saying it’s me, and be very casual, like with a family member. It’s become more intimate. Also I can sense there’s a common attraction… But I can’t tell if it’s on the same level… Because as far as I am concerned, I could go to bed with her. But I could also be happy with just my arms around her, or the permission to kiss her. ANything, but a physical touch, something that could express the deep affection I have for her.

She’s asked me to come with her on trips… It turned out it wasn’t possible for me. But just thinking she’d have me come along was strange… Should I plan a week-end once and invite her to join me? See what would happen?

I slept at her house, but of course, she told me to sleep in the guest room… But the next morning, she woke me up and walked into the room to do so, and said she’d make coffee. When I came down, she was in a beautiful gown. It drove me crazy to sleep in a different room.

She’s always known I am a lesbian. We’re referred to me being a lesbian and it sounded like she was a bit excited by that. She never asks me about potential girlfriends or lovers I might have. I’ve tried to make her curious but she asks no question, which is weird because she asks me about everything else in my life and it would be quite natural.

We see each other once a week, we call eah other very often during the week, like once every two days. We also call for no reason. There was that one time when we called each other everyday of the week. I thought it was a bit too much but she welcomed it, and would hang up saying “well, talk to you tomorrow!” She asks me if she looks good. She is a gorgeous woman but I guess she feels older and wants to still be attractive. I compliment her. I was shy before. But now I’m less shy. The other day I said something twice and both times she blushed and looked down. And I added I never flatter anyone, I always tell the plain truth.

I even gave her a really cute t-shirts with a huge compliment on her printed on it. She had been joking about that thing, that was a surprise I was preparing for her. But when I gave it to her, and was silent, smiled, but weird. She kissed me to say thank you. But her reaction was strange and I was afraid she was embarassed now, and that it went to far for her. Then later on, we mentioned it, as I joked around. Anyway I thought I went too far. But yesterday, she told me she’d been wearng the t-shirt to work… and that she was proud. So, now I interpret her reaction differently. I think she was moved, and that’s why she looked at it in silence and looked away.

Many times I feel like the connection we have is almost like flirting. We tease each other, I joke around. I know why I do it, I do it (the jokes) because I’m dancing around her.We’ve spent a lot of time. She’s a very busy woman, but even if she’s busy, she asks me to just come along with her. So I’ve spent whole days with her, running errands and even going to her work place, helping her and laughing all day.People see us and don’t really understand who I am. Some of her friends her age, I noticed were surprised to see me the first time, then a second time and a third time again with her, and the age gap is the main reason I think.

We have spent whole days together, done the craziest things. and she amazes me because she has so much energy!!!

We have moments when we talk and I feel a gaze, or flirting. But I don’t know if I’m imagining it. The other day, she had a very nice tank top and I could see her beautiful round arms, her shoulders, and when she squat down, I could see her beautiful breasts in a beautiful sophisticated bra (she has them in every colors depending on the color of her shirt)… My eyes dived in her cliveage. I know she MUST have noticed. I she have because she was looking for something her bag, and my gaze was travelling from her eyes, the inside of her bag, and back to her breasts. And still, she kept looking and me, smiling.

I dream about kissing her, holding her in my arms. I dream about being in bed with her, sleep tight, hol her. I also dream often about being naked in bed with her, my body against hers, full contact. I dream about this and I get wet in two seconds.

But there’s also that deep, deep love and affection. And I know that it is reciprocal. The other day, we ate at a restaurant. Her eyes lingered on me, just like mine did. But is it jist admiration, deep friendship? Then we said godd bye. We’re both leaving this summer. We walked to the station and I know those wereour last minutes together and I felt sad and tense. How would we say good bye? I turned around and said “We’re going to say goddbye, uh?” and she was behind me, looking suddenly sad, in a cute way, and said “we’re not going to see each other for two months!” and I thought how cute. We stopped at the entrance where we had to split. She said good bye, leaned toward me, an arm forward, and I just fell in her arms and hugged her. Not to tight, I was too shy. We stayed like this for a few seconds, and I stroke her back. I could tell she was happy, like she was hoping this would happen. Since then, we talked on the phone several time to “say good bye”. And now she’s gone, so that had to stop for good.

I can’t help thinking there’s some special connection bewteen us. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t lead to a real lesbian relationship. If it is a very intense friendship with some physical love somehow, that’ll do for me. I just hope to be able to really hold her tight in my arms once, and tell her I love her. 

Literally named Little Gold from the Little Something series, it looks almost like my Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat concealer. 

Which means a girl can safely put her vibrator in her makeup bag and avoid any embarrassment should she ever come across a baggage inspection at the airport or any other tight security areas.

Besides not having cheesy designs of cartoon soldier/chef/police boys, materials of this pretty sex toy have been said to be of medical quality and safe for the body, which should always be the number one consideration when shopping for a suitable sex toy. Not all sex toys are safe for the body. 

Love the idea that it is able to hold temperature, because of its metallic body. To be able to alternate between hot or cold offers sensational options for you and your girlfriend. 

Under the product description, it even included a very thoughtful tip to ‘chill in the fridge’. 

If you don’t want your vibrator to sound like you’re in a middle of a dentist’s appointment, you are safe with this. It promises to be silent at arm’s length.

Other colors and designs 

You are curious about a particular girl.

You wonder if by any chance she is lesbian but you are not sure because she looks and behaves feminine.

Yet, you don’t want to openly ask her.

What are some reasons to put her in your lesbian suspect list till you gather more hard evidence to put her in your lesbian confirmed list?

1. She displays signs for homophobia

Many (not all) lesbians suffer from social homophobia. Social homophobia is the fear of being identified as gay.  Some go from distancing themselves from other lesbians to voicing homophobic comments about gay people in general. These attempts to dissociate themselves from the lesbian community stem from their fear of being identified as gay.

So if you are hanging out with an obvious lesbian and a friend/colleague spots you and her in a roomful of people but quickly averts her gaze to ‘dissociate’ herself from you two, something might just be up.

2. She does pedicure but skips manicure 

Which straight girl do you know, who will walk into a salon to only have her toenails pedicure done and leave her fingernails un-manicured? None that I know of.

Lesbians generally keep their fingernails short for very practical reasons and nail polish on short fingernails don’t go very well together. Also, almost all brands of nail polish contain toxic ingredients which might not make it very safe for you to finger your girlfriend with beautifully manicured fingers.

So, if you spot a girl who has pretty toenails but short and plain fingernails, she might just be a lesbian.

3. Her ring finger is longer than her index finger 

A study has shown that lesbians tend to have longer ring fingers than index fingers.  A personal observation has found this to be 83.33% true, for a mere sample size of 12 women: 5 straight women and 7 lesbians. This is given the assumption that all 12 women do not make any ‘errors’ on the reporting of their sexual orientation. 

4. She spends quite a bit of time online 

A marketing survey has revealed that the LGBT community spends proportionately more time online than the heterosexual community, particularly in social networking sites like Friendster, and perhaps Facebook. Another favourite online haunt lesbians like to go are blogs. So, if you find her always logging into Friendster or Facebook and she is always very updated on the blogosphere, she might just be your suspect. 

Bear in mind that the above reasons only suffice to suspect but not confirm if she is lesbian. For more evidence, please click here and read the section ‘Giving and Reading the Lesbian Eye Contact’.

So, you like a girl, but you don’t exactly want to make your moves on her. You do, however, want her to make her moves all over YOU.

How do you seduce another woman to seduce you?

You tempt her with your body.

Flaunt whatever you’ve got.

A lot of girls I know have a thing for girls with flat tummies and hip bones. Nice, tight arms are also a plus. So if you’ve got those, flaunt it! Wear a top that exposes your tight body and a pair of low waist skinny jeans that shows off your sexy hip bones. If you’re not too (aneroxic) skinny or not too fleshy, you’d probably look pretty good and make a few girls drool.

Warning: The following is not for the faint-hearted or shy lesbian.

Take every chance you’ve got to take off your top in front of her. Make sure that falls on a day when you happen to wear a nice bra. To be safe, wear a nice bra everyday.

Sounds very lesbian sluttish but act like it’s really not a big deal. If she acts all shy or a little awkward, congratulations! The temptation bug is biting at her.

There are so many excuses for you to take off your top in front of her. Like in Marissa and Alex’s case, Marissa had taken off her top just to ask Alex to inspect on her tattoo on her lower back.

If you don’t fancy having a tattoo, you can always pull your girl crush along to go bra-shopping, and lead her into the changing room with you on the pretext of needing a second opinion. After all, clothes can look really different on the hanger as opposed to on a person.

An advance step forward, take every chance you’ve got to get naked in front of her. You’ve got to be really comfortable and confident about it, if not, don’t try it.

While Marissa was at Alex’s place in the morning, she conveniently took off her clothes and asked to take a shower. Before she stepped in the shower, she turned around to give Alex a good view of her body, leaving Alex gaping.

If it’s not convenient to always crash at your girl crush’s place, (or for her to crash at your place), the gym is a good place to go. Get your girl crush to go to the gym with you. Instead of queuing for the changing room, change in front of the locker, in front of her. See if she turns all shy or begins to gape.

If she starts to look at you like that, you know she already has a lot of ideas about you brewing in her head. 

 Your job is already done. So, just sit back, relax and wait for her to pounce on you.

Image Credits: O.C. The Second Season

Are you a female involved in a older/younger lesbian relationship?

Fulfilling older/younger lesbian relationships do exist in real life, but few have heard of enough testimonials to go around.

To crush myths that older/younger lesbian relationships have more reasons to go less on distance, send a testimonial to girl.magnet.letters@gmail.com and it’ll be featured here.

The Ten Rules – A Lesbian Survival Guide

10 rules to being a lesbian

Part 1 

Part 2

Part 3

Any other rules to add?

1. Without her asking, give her a nice massage. 

She will appreciate it, especially after a day’s work. Another good time to give her a massage is in the morning when she is about to wake up from her sleep. You will make her feel really good by waking her up to a massage.

2. Help her apply sunblock lotion when both of you have to be out in the sun.

Not only does it feel really sexy, you are also helping your girlfriend preserve her youth. She wouldn’t mind some protection against UV rays and prevention against wrinkles while you are rubbing it onto her skin. Make sure to use non-greasy organic sunblock if not she will get mad with you for clogging her pores.

3. Be her ‘makeup artist’.

If you’ve ever had the privilege of a makeup professional putting makeup for you, you’ll know how sexy it feels. Make her feel the same way. But of course, if you are the type who a) is not very gentle and/or b) doesn’t know how to put makeup, then the sweetest and simplest thing to do is NOT to attempt this.

4. While you’re at it you might as well paint her nails for her.

5. Caress her face.

According to Kamasutra, of all the nerves that excite sexual desire, two are found in the face. Need I say more?

6. Always get caught in nice lingerie.

You’re telling her that you still care about how you appear to her. If she looks at you with those eyes, you know she appreciates it.

7. Bend down to help her when her heels get stuck.

Although it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when one’s heels get stuck anywhere, especially right in front of the escalator, the wearer immediately experiences high levels of stress. Whoever gets to her rescue instantly accumulates a lot of goodwill. If you happen to be wearing a tight short skirt while carrying out this act, the goodwill you accumulate doubles.

 8. When she’s having a bad day, kiss her ass.

 But if she is the type who is always having a bad day, you should kick her ass instead.

Image Source: Lady In Heat

How does one spot a lesbian? 

Judging by appearances

One of the easiest ways is to guess by appearances.

There are lesbians who sport some of the following: 

• Short hair
• Spiky gelled hair
• Mullet

• Purple yarn string bracelet on either left or right wrist (Left being single, right being taken)
• Tattoos

• Rainbow tees
• Flannel shirts
• Baggy/ill-fitting clothing
• Men’s clothes
• Clothes with both masculine and feminine touch

• Comfortable shoes

If there are any more items to add to the list, suggest them in the comment box and I’ll add them in.

Although this is an easy way to try to spot a lesbian, it is very, very, far from foolproof. 

The look doesn’t define the lesbian. The lesbian defines her look.

Not all lesbians dress the same way.

You will miss out on the lesbians who don’t have any of the above list.

And, don’t be surprised if you see a straight woman sporting a combination of items from the above list. 

Asking targeted questions 

If you get to talk to your lesbian suspect, during your conversation, ask her targeted questions about places/movies/tv shows/websites that have a lesbian following. 

Ask her if she has been to any lesbian bars. Instead of asking ‘lesbian bar’, quote the name of the bar and see if her eyes light up and she gives you a knowing look.

E.g. Have you been to Shela in Bangkok / Girl Bar in Los Angeles / Candy Bar in London? (Or any other lasting lesbian bars that is in your area)

If you know of any other notable lesbian bars to add to the list, do suggest. 

Movies, television shows and websites are good topics for opinion openers. Even if she turns out to be straight, you can still carry on a decent conversation and make a friend. If she happens to have a profile in any lesbian personals site, that is quite a giveaway. 

Again, this isn’t exactly a foolproof way, because you might miss out on lesbians who aren’t in touch with lesbian culture.

Giving and Reading the Lesbian Eye Contact

The gaydar is most useful when we want to identify whether the girls we are attracted to, are lesbians as well.

This is especially when you can’t tell by mere appearances, like in the case of lipstick lesbians.

To do this you must be good at giving and reading the lesbian eye contact.

Each time you see a girl you fancy, feel at ease to toss her your admiring look. If she returns your eye contact and you feel an intensity building up in your two-way gaze that seem to last for moments, she is possibly attracted to you as well.

This only works around lesbians who are attracted to you.

For the girls who are not attracted to you, even if they are lesbians, they will not return your gaze.

At most they will just give you a knowing look. 

If not, you can only spot the lesbian in them by observing how they behave around others.

Avoid misreading. There are straight women who can really stare at other women for seconds: looking at your shoes, clothes, bags, makeup, but they are just not into you.

Image Source: Lady In Heat, The Devil Wears Prada

Does it take one lesbian to spot another?

Not necessarily.

Once, I turned up for a lesbian party at a local club that claimed to have a waiver of cover charge for lesbians. Unfortunately, the door butch couldn’t scan the lesbian in me and I had to pay my way in. What made it more unfortunate was that 3 other girl friends whom I’d asked along with me had to pay their way in as well. Needless to say, we never went back to the party again.

Another time, I went to a lesbian forum alone and a girl asked me this, “What’s a straight girl like you doing at a lesbian event?”

Even under such obvious and blatant circumstances, a lesbian can actually be mistaken or suspected to be straight.

Such encounters are not uncommon (and not exclusive) to lipstick lesbians.

Lipstick lesbians 

To grab a definition from the Urban Dictionary, lipstick lesbians refer to feminine lesbians who are attracted to other feminine women.

From the same dictionary there is another definition, which I really like, that says: 

lipstick lesbian = “The sexiest type of woman alive. A feminine lesbian.”

The Lesbian Look?

Contrary to popular belief, there really isn’t a standard lesbian look.

Lesbians come in all shapes and sizes, wearing all kinds of bracelets, shoes, and hair.

Some of the stereotype associations with lesbians include short hair, spiky gelled hair, mullet, purple wristbands, tattoos, rainbow tees… and the list goes on.

If one’s lesbian spotting skill is only based on judging another’s appearance, it is time to throw away that gaydar and acquire a new one. With a gaydar like that, you can score a lot of hits and also a lot of misses.

A straight woman can walk around with short spiky hair, dressed in a punky style and wear a purple wristband.

Likewise, a lesbian can also sashay around looking like a straight Barbie.

Nobody needs to compromise on how they want to look just to suit other people’s expectations.

Spotting the Lipstick Lesbian

Lesbian spotting is an important survival skill to acquire because it helps us to suss out who our potential partners are. 

After all, to be able to date a girl you must be able to spot the girl who will likely go on a date with you in the first place.

Lipstick lesbians need to develop keen lesbian spotting skills that are at least a notch above the basic level of gaydar because of their unobvious appearance and their search of lesbians with unobvious lesbian appearances, in order to suss out lipstick lesbian signs. With a strong gaydar, it will easier to spot who the lipstick lesbians are.

Of course, there are always mass lesbian parties where lipstick lesbians can get to meet other lipstick lesbians through trial and error. However, this can be a case of finding Wally in a busy picture full of people.

Bottom line is:

Develop a keen set of lesbian spotting skills.

It will empower you and make it inconsequential where you are: lesbian setting or non-lesbian setting. 

You can literally go anywhere to get your lipstick lesbian other half.

The world is your (lesbian) oyster!

Look out for the sparkle in her eyes.

When a woman sees something/someone that piques her interest, her eyes sparkle.

The human eye functions like the camera lens: dilating the pupil to allow more light into the eye; constricting the pupil to allow less light into the eye.

When more light is allowed into the eye, there seems to be an eye sparkling effect. 

A woman’s pupils tend to dilate when viewing an object of desire, allowing more light into the eye, so that she can see more of her desired.

This is the dilated eye pupil when watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show,

and the constricted eye pupil during an un-engaging conversation.

Upfront, it is quite easy to see the dilation of pupils in eyes with light colours.

Although most Asian eyes are not light enough for one to see the pupil dilation, you can still look out for her eye sparkle, which can be seen at close range to mid range distances.

At any setting, be it a noisy bar or a library, when another lesbian sends flirting signs to you, notice that she always does it with her seemingly sparkly eyes.

First recognise those eyes and you will correctly identify the lesbian flirting signs that follows after.

Image Sources: The Devil Wears Prada, The O.C. S2E11 - The Accomplice, Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2006, Butterfly / Hu Die