The Ten Rules – A Lesbian Survival Guide

10 rules to being a lesbian

Part 1 

   

Part 2

 

Part 3

 

Any other rules to add?

Look out for the sparkle in her eyes.

When a woman sees something/someone that piques her interest, her eyes sparkle.

     

The human eye functions like the camera lens: dilating the pupil to allow more light into the eye; constricting the pupil to allow less light into the eye.

When more light is allowed into the eye, there seems to be an eye sparkling effect. 

A woman’s pupils tend to dilate when viewing an object of desire, allowing more light into the eye, so that she can see more of her desired.

This is the dilated eye pupil when watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show,

    

and the constricted eye pupil during an un-engaging conversation.

Upfront, it is quite easy to see the dilation of pupils in eyes with light colours.

      

Although most Asian eyes are not light enough for one to see the pupil dilation, you can still look out for her eye sparkle, which can be seen at close range to mid range distances.

 

At any setting, be it a noisy bar or a library, when another lesbian sends flirting signs to you, notice that she always does it with her seemingly sparkly eyes.

First recognise those eyes and you will correctly identify the lesbian flirting signs that follows after.

Image Sources: The Devil Wears Prada, The O.C. S2E11 - The Accomplice, Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2006, Butterfly / Hu Die  

You tempt her. 

Do it subtly first, gradually turning up the heat 

Compliment her positive traits:

E.g. tell her how gentle she is. Say it with your gentle voice and gentle eyes.

  

Where she is able to see it from her sitting position, give her full view of one side of your exposed neck by turning your head. You have plenty of chances to do this when you are in a restaurant trying to look out for the waiter/waitress.

A lot of people don’t realise this; but the neck is actually quite a tempting piece of skin to bare.

If she gawks at your neck like that, you can turn up the heat by a notch. 

    When eating with her always watch out for any food around her mouth.

This is an excellent opportunity to help her wipe it off with either your fingers or napkin.

I would recommend the napkin though because many girls are very particular about anybody’s fingers touching their faces.

Although it does feel very sexy to have the corner of one’s lips lightly traced by another girl’s fingers, its better not to run the risk of her spending the rest of the evening worrying about potential breakouts on her face.

Also, when wiping her mouth with the napkin, do it gently and perhaps slowly, if not its not going to seduce anyone.      

    

 

Every time she talks about something that she gets emotional about, whether it’s something exciting or tear jerking, grasp her hands. It will make her feel like you want to share her emotions.  

 

You get the green light on grasping her hands when you find her doing that in return and she holds your hands a little longer than usual. 

     

Touch her on her arm whenever you want to tell her something and always maintain eye contact when you do this. 

 

Give her an innocent goodbye kiss on the cheek. It has to be the light and lingering kind.

Make her skin tingle and make the kiss linger in her mind.

This would be considered just a little more suggestive in the Asian context as giving goodbye kisses are not commonly practised among Asian women. 

  

It is important to look out for green lights and red lights during your subtle albeit seductive interaction with her. If you spot many red lights and she looks like she is going through trauma, do respect her space. If you spot green lights, you can graduate from subtle to not-so-subtle.

Moving on to more  smooth lesbian flirting moves  

Image Source: Butterfly / Hu Die 

What happens when you like an older woman who is shy and doesn’t exactly give out strong enough lesbian flirting signs for you to detect?

Look out for subtle signs that she likes you:

She fondles with her fingers a lot when she sees you. Coupled with a coy expression like that, she really DOES like you.

    

     

She cares about how she appears in front of you.

She flicks her hair away from her face when she sees you,

    

and has a tendency to stroke her hair like how a girl would, when she gently washes her hair by the river. It’s a very feminine act.

    

 Another give-away sign is when she keeps stroking her knuckles upon your arrival.

    

    

    

 And of course, she looks really shy when you are close to her.

 

If you like a woman who is really that shy, and she shows signs of liking you, do make the first move. Because all the moves she makes are probably only contained in her fantasies.

    

    

    

        

 Image Source: Butterfly / Hu Die 

If you are wanting to flirt with an older lesbian but you are not sure how to do it, take some cues from Annabelle in Loving Annabelle. Make sure you’re not legally underage though.

You know you like her when you do all sorts of things with your lips when you see her or think of her. 

You bite your lips.

 

You also touch your lips a lot because you wonder how it feels like if she is touching your lips like that.

    

You find yourself checking her butt out when she walks past you. She probably knows it because women have invisible eyes on their back. They can feel your gaze even when you are looking at them on the spy.

       

How do you flirt with her without saying a word? Give her the sideway glance with your subtle smile. If you can do it well its quite a come-on.

 

Send her flowers when she least expects it. Accompanied with an anonymous message you both have a mutual connection on.

     

See if she instinctively guesses its you.

     

Appear at her doorstep uninvited, wearing your sweetest smile so its virtually impossible to turn you away.

Whenever there is an opportunity to sit with her, jump on it. 

Inch closer to her and watch how she reacts. 

    

If you find her:

 (1) fondling her necklace,  

 (2) looking into your eyes intensely even in such close range,

 (3) glancing at your chest,

she could be attracted to you. 

If at the same time, she has created an arm barrier between you and her, she is also feeling a little defensive and is protecting herself from you.

    

 

Ask to take a look at her necklace so that you have permission to enter her personal space and she can’t put up her arm barrier. However if she places her palms together, she is still feeling defensive and closing her body to you.

If you’re bold enough, take your chance to trace her chest area around her necklace.  

    

       

When she gives you mixed signals of attraction and defensiveness, it might not be a good time to attempt to kiss her as you face a rejection possibility.

    

If you do face a rejection, back off gracefully and give her space.

As long as she doesn’t push you away and/or jump off the couch, don’t be afraid to interact with her again.

     

When you see her again, don’t be afraid to look at her like how you used to. 

Ask her out to a place with a relaxed setting. Get to know her and get her to know you. Whenever there is a chance, smile at her and engage her with your eyes.

    

Inch closer to her whenever there is space between both of you, close enough for you to smell her hair.

Touch her on the wrist. 

    

     

And perhaps, like Annabelle’s love interest, after all that flirting, she can’t help herself but finally surrenders herself to you.

 

Image Source: Loving Annabelle 

Girl in bob also seems to be sending flirting signs to me.  She catches my eye and I smile at her. (Girl in bob).

What are we all saying? Well I thought Girl in bob was cute, that if I am single I might just want to get to know her better in the romantic direction.

From past observations, I’ve noticed that lesbian flirting signs are not that different from signs which straight women give off when flirting with someone they fancy. However, the flirting process might just have some differences in dynamics.

In Sam Van Rood’s book of Flirting, in a club setting, he mentions that it requires a simple flirting process.

The Straight Flirting Process 

A woman has to first make eye contact with a someone she likes.

To assure the other that her eye contact is not a mistake, she looks at him again and smiles.

This is when the he takes action by approaching her or loses his chance forever.

It is mentioned that in this flirting process, men take on the role of the ‘hunter’ and women, the ‘chooser’.

The beauty of this is that chances of rejection are slimmed down when one does the approach, because the OK signs are already given.

It sounds quite easy and systematic, somewhat like line dancing.

However, I’ve heard many complaints that it is difficult to meet other girls in lesbian clubs.

Can the dynamics be the same when translated to the lesbian approach?

Lets backtrack.

The Lesbian Flirting (Pre-Approach) Process 

Step 1. Girl A spies a girl she fancies. Lets refer to the girl she fancies as Girl B.

Step 2. Girl A tries to send her flirting signs to Girl B, by making the lesbian eye contact with Girl B, in her mind thinking how hot she is.

Step 3. Girl B catches Girl A’s eye contact. Lets assume that Girl B also feels attracted to Girl A and sends her signs back to Girl A.

Step 4. In order to make sure Girl B knows that the eye contact is not a mistake, Girl A looks at her again and smiles. Girl B reciprocates by mirroring.

Step 5: So at this point, either Girl A or Girl B can do the approach and be received well because they have already given each other the OK signs.

Approach or wait to be approached?

Sounds simple, but more often than not it isn’t simple.

What if both Girl A and Girl B wait for each other to do the approach?

The question is who should act?

Although there are labels like butch/femme existing, there is no written (or unwritten) rule that one naturally assumes a ‘hunter’ role and the other a ‘chooser’ role.

Even if so, in the case of lipstick lesbians, it is going to be a constant guessing game.

From past observations, typically Girl A will do the approach, because she had cast her signals first. When gathering for friends’ opinions, most of them agreed on Girl A too.

Which means that although Girl A and Girl B have sent each other signs and ‘chosen’ each other, Girl A being the first ‘chooser’, she is expected to approach.

Recognise and Act

Expectations aside, here is the good news:

As long as you have correctly identified lesbian flirting signs from a girl, she is likely to be receptive to you when you approach her.

Approaching is already going to be easy. It doesn’t matter who makes the move.

What matters is that one of you must ACT on it. If not you will just be two passing girls who happened to look at each other a little longer than usual.

The not-so-good news is:

If you have sent her your signals and you don’t get reciprocated, chances are she may not be receptive towards you.

This can apply even if you’re in a monogamous relationship. Being able to recognise signals and give out signals is a great way to make new friends easily.

It need not always have romantic or sexual overtures.

Speaking of which, Girl in bob eventually does come up to me to say hi.

I am extremely grateful for her approach because I have grown bored waiting for friends.

After some small talk she introduces to me her girlfriend, Wide-eyed girl in black.

Now I have found a lesbian couple that I can double date with.